Men, Is Your Relationship Properly Balanced?

One of the challenges of having an urgent sexual need is that it puts your wife in a position of control. So in this feminist age what is wrong with that? Shouldn't she have some say so?



We must not confuse consent and control. A woman always has the power of consent and this cannot and must not be removed. But control is another matter. No partner in a marriage should be forced into a position of control and an urgent and ongoing sexual need is an mechanism for putting a woman in control even as the need presents itself to you as your being in control.

I need it and I am going to get it. But I will not override her consent.

Does this make sense? You can be in control if you take away her consent and this you must not do. Or you can allow her consent and thus be at her mercy. She doesn't even want to be in control but the demands of your ongoing urgent need are going to cause that to happen—even unconsciously. It is a truism that the person who cares the least about something in a relationship is in control. You spouse doesn't care about punctuality and you do? Guess who will be fuming in the car while waiting. Same with sex. You will start bargaining for it. Your wife is not being malicious. She is hardly even conscious of it. The more your fume, manipulate, wheedle, beg and bargain the worse it will get.

A balanced relationship means that you must subdue your sexual appetite. You must not see sex as an inevitable need that must be requited. In this way you neither control nor yield control. You can have a relationship of mutuality and give and take that is not driven by your urgent sexual appetite that needs to be satisfied regularly.

Man up!