Pornography and Masturbation

The problem of pornography

Pornography is an objective evil. Pornography is a tool to incite concupiscence. It is produced through acts of whore-mongering, fornication, adultery and other acts of uncleanness. In no event can pornography be justified.

But pornography is often condemned in and of itself without condemning the even worse behaviors that it is intended to provoke. The most frequent acting out caused by pornography is masturbation. Condemning pornography then becomes a condemnation of masturbation. But condemning pornography without condemning masturbation may give some who do not view pornography license to masturbate.

This is a risk that we frequently take in our condemnation of pornography.

Go to lds.org and do a search for the word pornography. The number of hits is enormous. There are talks and articles all the time condemning pornography and its consumption. Do a search for masturbation. Not so much.

But which is more evil, pornography or masturbation? Certainly the actual production of pornography can be much more evil than an act of masturbation. But once produced which is more evil? Looking at an image with no arousal or acting out? Or masturbating with no reference to a pornographic image?  

I submit that the masturbation has a more corrosive impact on the soul. By focusing our condemnation on pornography we have created a cover and an opportunity for masturbation.

There is no doubt that masturbating is a more common behavior than viewing pornography. Masturbation seals the impact of pornography in the brain and mind and even where there is no pornography, masturbation is a self centered act that creates addiction and dependency and introduces disorder into the God-ordained purposes of sexual intimacy.

Masturbation enshrines pleasure and gratification as the ultimate purpose of the sexual act. God ordains procreation and faithful union as its ultimate purpose.

Masturbation teaches us that pleasure is readily available. It teaches us that we are the masters of our pleasure. We can have it whenever we want it. A young man who marries with a long habit of masturbation is apt to find that marital intimacy is kind of flat and uninteresting. Involving a second person in one’s pleasure is difficult. The other person cannot get inside one’s head and have the precise control that one has mastered over years of self pleasure. Wife cannot drive the pleasure engine as well as husband can himself. Marital sex is apt to be disappointing. So what does our young sexual aesthete do? He tries hard to enlist his spouse into his pleasure regimen. He adopts a strategy of projecting his needs on to her and tries to turn her into a mirror image of himself. “Surely if she experiences orgasmic bliss the way I do she will become more effective at satisfying my needs.” This is what he calls “giving”. If she isn’t fully responsive to his demands he returns to his self pleasure and even to pornography.

This has become our modern norm. We guilt women into orgasms. Why? Because we need them to participate fully in our masturbational fantasies?

What is the solution? We need to reorder male orgasm and ejaculation back to procreation. We need to recognize masturbation for the evil that it is and we need to teach our youth the high ideals of self control.

We cannot do this without speaking candidly about masturbation. We cannot do this while we make masturbation something so shameful that it can never be discussed. We cannot do this without recognizing the ubiquity of masturbation. We cannot do this by surrounding our homes with firewalls to keep masturbation out.

Why?

Because almost every young boy can discover masturbation without any influence other than his own instincts and curiosity. So when should we talk about it? What comes first: the discovery of the pleasure; or, a discussion of it? What if our discussion of it provokes the curiosity to experience it? Once experienced will it be then hidden by shame? How can a father or mother have an ongoing and honest dialog about masturbation without being intrusive, appearing prurient, or introducing guilt and shame? What system of accountability can a young man have that helps him order his natural drives and appetites in a godly way? How can a young man legitimately experience the godly feelings of attraction and arousal without experiencing shame and guilt that should come from masturbation? Feelings of attraction and arousal are real and genuine and are to be experienced. How can he experience them in a way that increases his spiritual strength instead of dissipating it?

These are problems and issues that I will discuss in subsequent blog posts. I invite thoughtful comments.

One thing that I feel strongly about is that we must not teach that marriage is an automatic license to orgasm and ejaculation. Don’t we do this when we say that all our feelings of arousal can find satisfaction in marriage? Don't we do this when we tell young people that everything will be okay once they are married?

In saying this I do not intend to say that orgasm and ejaculation in marriage is evil. It is approved. It can be experienced without guilt, shame or apology. The marriage bed is honorable in all. But I do want to suggest that our liberty in marriage is an opportunity to cultivate higher and nobler emotions.