The problem of
pornography
Pornography is an objective evil. Pornography is a tool to
incite concupiscence. It is produced through acts of whore-mongering, fornication,
adultery and other acts of uncleanness. In no event can pornography be
justified.
But pornography is often condemned in and of itself without
condemning the even worse behaviors that it is intended to provoke. The most
frequent acting out caused by pornography is masturbation. Condemning
pornography then becomes a condemnation of masturbation. But condemning
pornography without condemning masturbation may give some who do not view
pornography license to masturbate.
This is a risk that we frequently take in our condemnation
of pornography.
Go to
lds.org and do a search for the word pornography. The
number of hits is enormous. There are talks and articles all the time
condemning pornography and its consumption. Do a search for masturbation. Not
so much.
But which is more evil, pornography or masturbation?
Certainly the actual production of pornography can be much more evil than an
act of masturbation. But once produced which is more evil? Looking at an image
with no arousal or acting out? Or masturbating with no reference to a
pornographic image?
I submit that the masturbation has a more corrosive impact
on the soul. By focusing our condemnation on pornography we have created a
cover and an opportunity for masturbation.
There is no doubt that masturbating is a more common
behavior than viewing pornography. Masturbation seals the impact of pornography
in the brain and mind and even where there is no pornography, masturbation is a
self centered act that creates addiction and dependency and introduces disorder
into the God-ordained purposes of sexual intimacy.
Masturbation enshrines pleasure and gratification as the
ultimate purpose of the sexual act. God ordains procreation and faithful union
as its ultimate purpose.
Masturbation teaches us that pleasure is readily available.
It teaches us that we are the masters of our pleasure. We can have it whenever
we want it. A young man who marries with a long habit of masturbation is apt to
find that marital intimacy is kind of flat and uninteresting. Involving a
second person in one’s pleasure is difficult. The other person cannot get
inside one’s head and have the precise control that one has mastered over years
of self pleasure. Wife cannot drive the pleasure engine as well as husband can
himself. Marital sex is apt to be disappointing. So what does our young sexual
aesthete do? He tries hard to enlist his spouse into his pleasure regimen. He
adopts a strategy of projecting his needs on to her and tries to turn her into
a mirror image of himself. “Surely if she experiences orgasmic bliss the way I
do she will become more effective at satisfying my needs.” This is what he
calls “giving”. If she isn’t fully responsive to his demands he returns to his
self pleasure and even to pornography.
This has become our modern norm. We guilt women into
orgasms. Why? Because we need them to participate fully in our masturbational
fantasies?
What is the solution? We need to reorder male orgasm and
ejaculation back to procreation. We need to recognize masturbation for the evil
that it is and we need to teach our youth the high ideals of self control.
We cannot do this without speaking candidly about
masturbation. We cannot do this while we make masturbation something so
shameful that it can never be discussed. We cannot do this without recognizing
the ubiquity of masturbation. We cannot do this by surrounding our homes with
firewalls to keep masturbation out.
Why?
Because almost every young boy can discover masturbation without any
influence other than his own instincts and curiosity. So when should we talk about it? What comes
first: the discovery of the pleasure; or, a discussion of it? What if our
discussion of it provokes the curiosity to experience it? Once experienced will
it be then hidden by shame? How can a father or mother have an ongoing and
honest dialog about masturbation without being intrusive, appearing prurient,
or introducing guilt and shame? What system of accountability can a young man
have that helps him order his natural drives and appetites in a godly way? How
can a young man legitimately experience the godly feelings of attraction and arousal
without experiencing shame and guilt that should come from masturbation? Feelings of attraction and arousal are real and genuine and
are to be experienced. How can he experience them in a way that increases his
spiritual strength instead of dissipating it?
These are problems and issues that I will discuss in
subsequent blog posts. I invite thoughtful comments.
One thing that I feel strongly about is that we must not
teach that marriage is an automatic license to orgasm and ejaculation. Don’t we
do this when we say that all our feelings of arousal can find satisfaction in
marriage? Don't we do this when we tell young people that everything will be okay once they are married?
In saying this I do not intend to say that orgasm and
ejaculation in marriage is evil. It is approved. It can be experienced without
guilt, shame or apology. The marriage bed is honorable in all. But I do want to
suggest that our liberty in marriage is an opportunity to cultivate higher and nobler
emotions.
